


Well, I'm Here

by phantastictronnor



Category: Phan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 16:22:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5055556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantastictronnor/pseuds/phantastictronnor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Dan never goes to youtube conventions, until one year he decides to make a changed and head to Playlist Live. </p><p>Words: 3144</p><p>Warnings: kinda depressing at first but it gets really fluffy by the end so</p>
            </blockquote>





	Well, I'm Here

*DAN’S POV*

Alone. 5 letters. having no one else present; on one’s own.

That’s all I feel. Just… alone.

And I may put on a fake smile and get that fake laugh ready and stand in front of my Canon camera. I smile and act all cheeky or my fans.

I do it for them, not for me. Most other Youtubers don’t have to act, they don’t have to put on this fake personality to get the continuous feedback.

And there’s always that occasional fan that seems to see through every disguise I put on. No matter how hard I try, there’s always that one. I usually just ignore them, hope they’ll go away and stop spreading the truth around. I have spent so long developing this fake person- this danisnotonfire. Im not him, I’m just Dan. Daniel Howell. Ordinary boy.

I often get invited to conventions and events such as Vidcon and Playlist Live. But I politely decline every time. They’ve started to stop sending them it seems, as I haven’t gotten one recently. My flatmate has though. He always gets them and his heart is too big to decline, no matter what. I feel like he would still find a way there to meet his fans when he was dying.

You may know him actually. His name is Phil. Phil Lester. AmazingPhil. Extraordinary man, he is. He’s so kind and gentle, even around me, when nobody else is. He accepted me when my mum and dad kicked me out of the house.

He had seen my videos and seemed to have been interested by the person I put on the internet. He found me when I was in the lobby of his flat building, trying to find somewhere to stay after I was forced to leave my home.

“Hey! I know you! Aren’t you Dan? Danisnotonfire?” I heard a strong northern accent day from behind me. I whipped my head around and stared at him with wide eyes. How did he know me? I needed to get out of here before he found out that everything he thought he knew about me was a lie.

“Are you looking for somewhere to stay? You can stay in my flat for a while, if you want of course. I’ve been looking for a flatmate, actually, but they’re all just crazy fans trying to meet me.” The boy explained. And I took his offer because where else was I supposed to stay on such short notice?

I shook my head to snap myself out of the memory. The days, weeks, months, years now had gone by so fast. I finished high school and decided there was no time in my busy schedule to go to college. Well, that’s what I thought. But it seemed that my life really wasn’t busy, it was quite boring actually. All I did was sit around all say watching anime and scrolling though my dashboard on tumblr, smiling at the occasional posts of me and my flatmate. Oh, did I mention I’m in love with my best friend? Yeah, that’s a thing.

“Dan! Where are my keys?” I heard Phil call down the stairs.

“Uh… I don’t know! Why do you need them? You’re taking an Uber to the airport anyway!” I called back.

“They have my flat key on them and I’d like to be able to get in when I get back.” He was shouting the first part but gradually it turned into his normal volume as he got closer to the living room, where I was sitting.

“Oh…right.” I said, mentally face palming.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come with me? It won’t be the same without you. And I know your fans would love to see and meet you.” Phil said, sitting down on the blue couch next to me.

I shook my head.

“You know I can’t, Phil. They would all hate me. I’m a different person, a horrible person, off camera. They like the danisnotonfire side of me, not the Dan Howell version.” I said with a frown.

“You don’t have to meet anyone or talk to anyone, but will you at least come with me? These trips are no fun without you.”

I sighed, giving him my look. He knew not to press on after that because he knew I wouldn’t change my mind.

“Alright, well, I better be off. I’ll miss you so much. Oh, and I expect daily FaceTime calls from you. I can’t go a week without seeing your face.” He said and then walked out the door, a small suitcase being pulled behind him.

I smiled into the pillow sitting next to me and groaned at my behavior. Why did I let him have this influence on me? He didn’t realize that he was slowly making me fall harder and harder for him with just a single smile.

I ended up turning my laptop off and trying to fall asleep. That didn’t turn out so well, as Phil happened to call right then.

“I missed you already.” He said as I hit the green answer button.

“It’s been 3 hours, Phil.” I told him, chuckling slightly to myself.

We talked for hours, until I actually fell asleep with Phil on the phone. Our steady breaths mingled until my eyes shut and I drifted into darkness.

I woke up the next morning to a bright light shining in my face. The window was slightly open from last night and the sun was directly in my eyes. My eyes widened when I checked the time on my phone and saw that my flight left in an hour.

I threw my legs off the side of the couch and started scrambling around, trying to make sure I wasn’t forgetting something. The last things I grabbed were my phone and charger as I ran out the door to the silver car waiting for me outside.

12 hours later and I was finally at the hotel.

I walked in and collected my badge from the security wait for me. I had contacted the event coordinators and let them know I would be there. These two buff looking men in yellow shirts with SECURITY written on the back were escorting me to the large set of elevators in the center of the hotel lobby.

I looked around and couldn’t believe that I was actually at Playlist Live.

The hotel that was hosting Playlist this year was nothing like I imagined it. Through all the stories Phil had told me so far, even though it hasn’t even been an entire day, made this place seem extremely organized and much smaller than it actually was. But there were people running around everywhere calling about last minute changes to the schedule or something that needed to be done still. I was just really glad there weren’t tons of fans around because that would make it even worse. With over 20 floors in two of the four towers and tons of huge conference rooms, I knew I would be so lost right now if it weren’t for these security guards.

I found myself wondering whether there would be fans crowded around me, just trying to get a picture or an autograph, if I were walking on my own through this lobby. Probably not, I don’t actually have that many fans that would care enough to come to one of these conventions and meet me. But I could imagine Phil being surrounded by a huge group of fans if he were ever left to venture through this place himself. Everybody would want to meet him. I mean, I totally understand why, he’s perfect. From his appearance to his personality to the way he carries himself, he is just the walking image of perfection.

Speaking of Phil, he still didn’t know I was here. I didn’t tell him when I booked my flight, as I knew he would feel bad. He would probably blame himself and say that he pressured me into coming when I didn’t want to. But truthfully, I wanted to come for once. I thought it would be good for me to get out of the house for once and experience something I had never done before, and this is definitely different from what I normally do.

The elevator dinged, signaling that we had reached the 12th floor of the North tower. Phil’s room was on this floor, I knew, as he had been FaceTiming me as he unlocked the door and walked inside. I even remembered the room number, just in case I was left to find my own way here. N-11266.

One of the men that were escorting me knocked loudly on the door next to the sign depicting the correct room number. I readied myself for Phil’s reaction, because I truthfully didn’t know what to expect. Would he be excited that I came to spend the week with him? Or would he be mad that I didn’t tell him I was coming? Or would he be disappointed that he didn’t have the week to himself, to just enjoy the paradise of Orlando, Florida? MY questions were cut short as the heavy door swung open, revealing a quite disheveled Phil Lester. The men turned and left, leaving me staring into the eyes of my best friend.

“Danny!” He yelled at the top of his lungs, moving to pull me into a hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his waist. I breathed in the familiar scent that I had memorized from the many moments we had spent together.

“What are you doing here? I thought you didn’t want to come! Not that I don’t want you here, but I don’t know, it was just really unexpected!” He rambled on once we went into the room and sat down on the king sized bed.

“I felt like I needed to get out of the house and do something different for once, something a little bit out of my comfort zone, you could say. And a youtube convention seemed like the perfect place, I guess.” I didn’t really know how to explain to him that I just couldn’t bare being away from him for a whole week, without it slipping that I was in love with him. I couldn’t deal with the rejection right now, that wouldn’t look too good in front of all the cameras and the fans.

We talked for the next few hours about what was actually going to happen this weekend. The convention actually started Friday morning and ended Sunday night, but they were traveling from abroad so they had to come a little early and stay a little longer than most. The whole day Friday was known as “business day” which was mainly for those who wanted insight on how to make youtube videos and good strategies in the purely work part of the job. The other two days were focused on mostly fun and meeting people. It didn’t actually sound too bad to me and I couldn’t figure out why I was so scared to come in the first place. Then we went on to talk about what I would be doing, as the managers had no idea I would be coming until a little before I got on the plane to come.

“I have, I think, two panels on Friday for the business portion of the event, which probably won’t be very interesting for you. Ya know, because you’re already a youtuber and you know how to do it all. But you’re welcome to watch from backstage or the audience, if you want. Or you could chill in here, or explore the hotel a little bit.” Phil threw around a few ideas of what I could do with my time while he wasn’t there.

“I’ll probably just go on tumblr of something and wait in here. I don’t want to be following you around all weekend like a lost puppy.” We both let out a quiet laugh. “But what about meet ups? I’m not scheduled for one, and I would hate to impose on you meeting all your fans.”

“You would most definitely not be imposing. They probably all know who you are, anyway, since you’re in nearly every video of mine.” He said, patting my back as he talked. I merely nodded, letting him know that I was okay with the idea.

“Well, it’s getting pretty late!” He checked an imaginary watch on his wrist. “So, I say we should probably get to sleep. Tomorrow is big day for both of us!” He seemed so excited for the eventful day ahead.

We both changed into pajamas and brushed our teeth before turning to the single bed in the room. They only arranged for Phil to be staying here so there was only one bed. We looked at each other for a moment before deciding that we should just both sleep in the bed, as it was king sized and big enough for both of us to fit comfortably.

-

When I woke up in the morning, Phil was already down in his panel. I hadn’t planned to sleep so late, but I also didn’t plan to have that much trouble sleeping that night. I was constantly waking up, thinking that I had gotten too close to Phil or touched him and made him uncomfortable. And that was the last thing I wanted. Staying in the same bed as him was the only choice I had, and I didn’t want to ruin it on the first night.

He came back to the room a few hours later, carrying a bag of crisps and a fountain drink.

“Hey, how was it? I watched a bit on the live stream.” I asked once he set everything down and took a seat next to me on the bed.

“Really fun, actually! I really enjoyed giving pointers on how to run a channel and sharing how I started out all those years ago.” The smile never left his face as he said this. I couldn’t help but smile too, because he always has this effect on me.

“Cool, so what are your plans for the rest of the day?” I asked, hoping he didn’t have much left to do. I really just wanted to talk to him and explore the area before all the fans arrived tomorrow morning.

He told me that he had another panel later in the day- something about getting viewers from countries other than your own- but he was free for a few hours before that. We decided we would just go down to the pool for a while, as there wasn’t much else to do that didn’t require tons of exercise.

“Just let me grab my glasses and we’ll go.”

I nodded and made my way to the door. I pulled it open and let him pass through before me. He smiled at me, walking towards the elevators at the end of the hall. Once we heard the ding and walked into the small compartment, I sighed and leaned back on the wall.

“What’s up? You okay?” I opened my eyes to see a worried Phil peering over at me.

“Yeah, just tired.” He gave me a look, showing that he didn’t believe me, but left it for now because we reached the bottom floor.

The pool was quite crowded. It seemed that every other youtuber had the same idea to enjoy the hotel before fans were everywhere. The hot tub only had a few people- Cat, Louis, Joey, and Daniel- so we strolled over to join them.

They all greeted us before scooting over a bit to make more room for us to get in. Joey and Daniel continued talking with Louis but Cat moved closer to talk to us.

“Dan OMG! What are you doing here? I thought you hated these things!” Cat whisper-yelled to make sure we didn’t bring any attention to ourselves. At least she cared enough to not embarrass me.

I explained all of my reasons for being here, and she just smiled and hugged me. I buried my head in the crook of her neck and breathed in her perfume, it actually smelled really good. As I was pulling away, I saw a flash of a frown on Phil’s face. I figured it was just nothing, and didn’t question him about it.

We stayed in the hot tub for a while talking to Cat and catching up on everything since the last time we all saw each other. Then, we realized it was getting pretty late, and we needed to make sure we were ready for the busy day the next day. We said our goodbyes, before heading to our separate rooms.

“So, you ready for tomorrow? The constant crowds of fans screaming everywhere! The hours of meetups and awkward social communication! Woo!” I asked once we laid down in the bed.

“I’m actually really excited! I love meeting my- our- viewers, they’re all just so lovely!” Phil said quietly.

“So, uh, sorry for showing up and ruining your weekend. I feel bad that you have to deal with me following you around all day…” I said.

“Dan, you are always a pleasure to be around. I’m glad you came, I really am. I’m proud of you for being here, and you should know I don’t mind spending time with you. I love it, actually.”

“Well I love you.” I said in my mind.

Or, I thought I said it in my mind.

“You what? Did you just say you loved me?” He said, a surprised look on his face.

“What, uh, no! I meant I love spending time with you too!” I rambled out, trying to sound convincing. I didn’t want to ruin the whole weekend by saying something stupid.

“Oh. I thought you said something else, uh, sorry.” He said looking disappointed.

Why would he be disappointed that I didn’t say I loved him? Did he want me to say that?

We sat there for a few second staring into each others eyes. Then, out of nowhere, I got a burst of courage. I started leaning in slowly, until our lips were almost touching. He closed the distance and I felt fireworks explode everywhere. It was just like they made it seem in the books and the movies. Just perfect. I felt nothing but pleasure, and I couldn’t help but deepen the kiss. Phil seemed okay with it, so I continued kissing him until I had to take a breath.

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that.” Phil said quietly.

“I love you.” I said, really meaning for him to hear it this time.

“And I love you!” He said cheerfully, scooting closer to me and snuggling into my side. I hugged him tightly and fell asleep to the sound of his shallow breaths.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N-   
> sorry i suck at endings but hey, i dont care!


End file.
